Stronger Writing Through Show & Tell

Types of Telling

Before we dive into how to show more, we first need to discuss the many different types of telling. The following is a shortened list with simple examples of how to transform each into showing. For a more in-depth understanding of these, I recommend reading Understanding Show, Don’t Tell by Janice Hardy.

Motivational Tells

What is your character’s motive for their actions?

Biggest Culprits: To [Verb], Decided, Because

	Tell	Show
To [Verb]	She leaned in to whisper in my ear.	She leaned in and whispered in my ear.
Decided	He decided it was time to leave.	“I’m done,” he said and walked out the door.
Because	He told her the truth because she needed to know.	He told her the truth. She needed to know.

Emotional Tells

How does your character feel about this?

Biggest Culprits: In, With, Felt

	Tell	Show
In	She screamed in fear.	Someone grabbed her from behind and she screamed.
With	He jumped with joy.	“Santa!” he yelled, jumping up and down and grinning from ear to ear.
Felt	He felt lonely.	He looked around the empty house and sighed.

Mental Tells

What does your character think about this?

Biggest Culprits: Knew, Realized, Thought

	Tell	Show
Knew	She knew he wasn’t telling her everything.	She narrowed her eyes at him. What was he hiding?
Realized	He realized this would be his last day he ever sat at this desk.	He sighed and relaxed his shoulders. This would be the last day he ever sat at this desk.
Thought	This is it, he thought.	He pushed open the door and walked in. This is it.

Stage Direction Tells

What is actually happening?

Biggest Culprits: As, After/Before, When

	Tell	Show
As	She aimed the pistol as he ran toward her.	He ran toward her. She lifted her arms and aimed the pistol at his heart.
After	After she reached the car, she paused to catch her breath.	At the car, she paused to catch her breath.
When	When she picked up the book, a power surged through her veins.	She picked up the book and a power surged through her veins.

Descriptive Tells

What does this look actually like (without the filter words)?

Biggest Culprits: Watched, Could [Verb], Felt

	Tell	Show
Watched	He watched her hair whip in the wind.	Her hair whipped in the wind.
Could [Verb]	He could see she was angry.	She crossed her arms and glared at him.
Felt	She felt the burn of the rope as it slid through her hands.	The rope slid through her hands, burning her skin.

Passive Tells

How can you make it more immediate and active?

Biggest Culprits: Was [Verb], Will Be, By

	Tell	Show
Was [Verb]	He was sucker punched by the stranger.	The stranger sucker punched him.
Will Be	The report will be written by her.	She will write the report.
By	She was shocked by his words.	His words shocked her.

Paint a Picture

Creating an active scene means painting a picture for your reader through details so they can experience every moment firsthand, feel the protagonist’s emotion and tension, and understand their intent and motive. Imagine yourself as your protagonist in each scene you write. What do you see? Feel (both physically and emotionally)? Think? Hear? Smell? Taste? Even just using two of your senses can help ground your reader in the scene.

Although still raw, this new passage is more fleshed out and alive than the original two-sentence scene because it describes what she is doing and feeling rather than telling you vaguely with the adverb “anxiously.” Now you can hear sounds and dialogue, smell french fries, and see the busy parking lot. You understand from context that the restaurant is popular and lively, and whoever Anna is waiting for is very late and perhaps not coming at all. You can feel Anna’s tension, even without knowing all the details about who she is waiting for or why.

Describe the Action

Static Action

Static action is when a character is doing something along the lines of sitting, thinking, eating, sleeping, or waiting. This often involves a filter word like saw, heard, watched, noticed, or realized. These are generic and unexciting actions that could be viewed as unnecessary filler, slowing the pace of your book. Fortunately, a simple rewrite will often be enough to strengthen the scene.

Here’s a list of just a few generic static action beats that I often see used as placeholders in manuscripts (consider all forms of each verb):

There are exceptions to every rule, of course, and in this case, some of these words or phrases can create tension in just the right places, but only when not overused. And when you do need to include a static action, make sure to balance it out with active action beats to make the scene more dynamic and interesting.

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Active Action

Active action speeds up the pace of your story by creating visuals in your reader’s mind through strong active verbs, which I will cover next.

Even when someone is performing a generic or static action like eating a meal, they are also doing other more interesting actions. For example, maybe their fork clatters against their plate when they throw it down, or perhaps they keep sighing and tapping their phone to check the time. I bet you can guess the emotions going on in the character’s head just by those actions.

Active action beats bring in more dynamic movement and emotional resonance, allowing the reader to read between the lines and gain context. Each small but active action has an emotional impact on your reader. These little movements make us feel something. They create tension. And this tension reinforces the feeling of forward movement.

All About Verbs

Adverbs

Many adverbs are identifiable by their —ly ending (angrily, nervously, slowly). Although not all of them end in —ly (very, too, often) AND not all —ly words are adverbs either (friendly, lovely, and lonely are adjectives). English is confusing!

Adverbs often connote a vague action that every reader will interpret differently. For example, if I wrote, “He walked quietly across the room,” do you picture him tiptoeing, moving slowly, or wearing slippers? Is he trying to sneak up on someone, afraid someone is following him, or trying to not wake anyone up in the early morning hours? What if instead I wrote, “His tiptoed on the balls of his feet, keeping his steps quiet as he snuck into the kitchen for a midnight snack”? Yes, this shown scene required more words, but can you picture this better? Understand the character’s motive and intention? Feel the tension of whether he’ll be caught or not? Using stronger verbs will eliminate the inclination to include an adverb.

Too many adverbs weaken your writing and lend more to telling than showing. Instead, use stronger verbs so they aren’t necessary. (Hint: This is where your thesaurus can be your friend.)

Instead of . . .	Consider . . .
She was very angry.	She was livid.
He walked slowly through the garden.	He strolled through the garden.
She felt like a tigress ready to pounce.	She was a tigress, ready to pounce.

Even better, include other clues for the reader to feel the character’s emotion, motive, and intent behind the action. Using the first example, you could instead say:

“She balled her hands into fists, resisting the urge to tear the papers up and throw them in his face.”

That being said, using adverbs sparingly can add emphasis, variety, or set something apart.

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Filler & Filter Words

Eliminating filler words (that, very, just, kind of/sort of, and then, like, a lot, really) and filter words (saw, heard, felt, watched, noticed, realized), some of which can double as adverbs, will strengthen your writing by closing the narrative distance. These words carry little or no meaning and often do not contribute to the overall sentence, making them largely unnecessary. By simply removing filler and filter words, your sentences will become much stronger.

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Active Verbs

Removing the verb “to be” from your sentences will force you to use more active verbs. By reducing your use of had, was, is, or were, you will need to transform —ing verbs to —ed verbs. Even books written in past tense will feel as though things are happening right now with the use of these more immediate active verbs.

Instead of . . .	Consider . . .
He was offering her a dozen red roses.	He offered her a dozen red roses.
She was struggling to keep up.	She struggled to keep up.
They were walking hand in hand.	They walked hand in hand.

While this isn’t to say eliminate every form of the verb “to be” in your sentences, consider places where transforming —ing verbs to —ed verbs might make for a stronger sentence.

Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

Passive voice flips the action and the subject, forcing the character to take a step back by becoming more of a receiver than an active participant. In contrast, active voice allows the subject to directly perform the action, providing clarity and concision, and cutting down on unnecessary wordiness. This makes active voice preferable to passive voice, which can cause the reader to feel distanced from the story.

In each of the examples below, I’ve transformed the passive voice into active voice simply by placing the subject before the verb and cutting out two words (was and by).

Instead of . . .	Consider . . .
The book was written by her.	She wrote the book.
The meal was prepared by the chef.	The chef prepared the meal.
The wine was spilled by him.	He spilled the wine.

As always, there is a time and place for everything, but as a rule of thumb, only use passive voice when the action is more important than the subject. For example, it’s more natural to say, “The damage was caused by the earthquake” than it is to say, “The earthquake caused the damage.”

Said Bookisms

Dialogue is a great tool for keeping your reader grounded in the scene, but be cautious of using said bookisms, which is another form of telling. Said bookisms are when you use fancy words in place of said (intoned, hissed, inquired, lamented) or after said (angrily, quietly, nervously). Instead, use mostly the word said, which the brain registers in the background without feeling repetitive, and include other clues for the reader to pick up on the emotion.

Instead of . . .	Consider . . .
“He broke up with me,” she whined.	“He broke up with me,” she said, fighting back a sob.
“Where is the safe?” he interrogated.	“Where is the safe?” he asked, slamming his gun on the counter.
“I’m not an object to be won,” she hissed.	“I’m not an object to be won,” she said, standing tall and looking him in the eye.

Learn more in my Tips for Writers Writing Dialogue series.

When Telling Is Better

Overall, telling distances the reader, while showing brings the reader into the story, grounding them in the details, dialogue, and actions, making for a more compelling story. But just like anything else, there is still a time and place for telling too. 

Here are four such examples:

1. Transitions

There is a change of location or the passing of time.

Your goal in these moments is to be concise and transition quickly so your readers can catch up and settle into the next exciting and purposeful scene. You can still include some showing through minor details, but ideally, transitions should only last a couple of sentences at most before diving into the next scene that moves the plot forward.

2. Significance

Mundane details need not apply.

The reader does not need to follow along with every mundane detail, like a bathroom break or an uneventful day at the office. The truth is, if it is not significant to the greater plot, your reader simply doesn’t care. Too much exposition will bore them or make them feel misled. Now, if there is significance in the scene such as foreshadowing, character development, or advancing the plot, your reader will want more showing than telling. But otherwise, let your reader skip over the tedious tasks, chores, and errands of regular life through a simple told summary.

3. Moments of Respite

Give your reader time to catch their breath or process an intense scene.

If you have a scene with a lot of action, reveals, or tension, your reader will need a moment of respite to process the information and reorient themselves. Donald Maass calls this a “scenic overlook where they can survey the story world.” In these moments, telling can give showing a much-needed break.

4. Balancing Act

Sprinkle in brief moments of telling to balance your rhythm and pace.

Too much showing can actually slow your pace, but crafting a beautiful and intricate setting that does not bore your reader requires a balancing act. Instead of infodumping, sprinkle these details throughout the narrative where they fit organically with the present scene. Balance when the reader needs to be fully immersed in the details versus telling them something for the sake of catching them up and moving on.

A good rule of thumb for this is the more intense a scene, the more showing it requires. The less intense it is, the more likely you can get away with a bit more telling.

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Trust Your Reader

No matter what the scene calls for, never underestimate your reader. Trust that they are capable of making connections and understanding subtle nuances that allude to your protagonist’s backstory or foreshadow what’s to come. Allow them a sense of mystery as details are slowly revealed throughout the story rather than robbing them from the thrill of discovery.

Quick Tips for Showing

• The deeper/closer the point of view, the more showing your book will require. If you are writing in first person or third-person limited, you need to put your reader directly in your point-of-view character’s shoes.
• Let your characters do the work! Show the world, other characters, and events through their eyes and in their voice.
• Show motive through the character’s thoughts, actions, and dialogue.
• If you feel the need to explain, either you haven’t laid the groundwork for your reader to figure it out on their own or you are underestimating your reader’s ability to pick up on subtly and nuance.
• Common places to find told prose are the first chapter, the introduction of every new character, or the first time you take the reader to a new setting or location. Infodumping for the sake of the reader is often told prose, while infodumping for the sake of the character is often shown. Remember, every told scene is an opportunity to further develop character, plot, or setting. Use your protagonist’s unique voice to describe important details.
• Limit static action, adverbs, filler and filter words, passive voice, and said bookisms. Notice I said limit rather than eliminate—after all, there are exceptions to every rule.
• Only show what’s relevant to the story right now, always moving the plot forward or developing character. Anything else can be told in a quick summary or left out entirely.
• Showing will often require more words than telling to provide the clues and nuances for your reader to pick up on and understand your protagonist’s emotion, intent, and motive.
• A good way to test whether you are showing or telling is to act out your scene, exactly. You can only do or say what your character does or says in the scene. If you can’t act it out because it’s lacking detail or uses vague adverbs, then you are telling. For example, which of the following easier to act out?

Additional Resources

• Understanding Show, Don’t Tell by Janice Hardy
• Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell
• Download my Show vs. Tell Exercise to hone this element of your craft!

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Red Quill Editorial LLC